Daily life, advice and reviews from an everyday mummy.

Posts tagged ‘family life’

Am I cut out for mummy life?

Do you sometimes wonder if you are actually cut out to be a mother? 

My eldest is 5 this week and I am suddenly realising that I don’t have that ‘natural’ mummy gene. I thought I did but I don’t think I do. My youngest is 21 months old. He is at that testing age- pushing boundaries and learning about the frustrating world around him. I have to constantly be on my toes. Watching, catching, teaching. 

I have come to realise that I’ve become that shouty mother, the one everyone looks at in the street as you bellow after your child who has clearly forgotten all that you have tried to teach them or have you taught them wrong?  The frustrated mum with the whingy child, but are they whingy? Or are you just not giving them enough attention. I’ve become the mum who is too embarrassed to let anyone in the house, where housework production has halted as I  just can’t seem to find time between juggling the kids and work/university. And whilst tidying one thing, the boys are making more mess elsewhere. But that’s not the kids fault, maybe that’s my fault for taking on too much and thinking I could further my career aswell as bring up my young family. I’ve become the mum who rarely takes her children to the park, soft play or any other activity that might involve a lot of people. I struggle in busy places, too frustrated and worried resulting in the boys having a rubbish time. The boys miss out as I feel I can’t cope. 

I can’t seem to lovingly mother anymore, I feel like I’ve turned into a well oiled machine, doing what has to be done everyday to keep the boys fed, clean and entertained. 

When did this happen? And why do I feel like I’m not cut out for it anymore?

I don’t want to be this person, it’s ironic really with the profession I’ve chosen. I feel like I’m sat on my high horse giving advice to new mothers, experienced mothers or mothers needing help and here I am unable to mother properly myself. 

I need to stop dwelling on it and now I’ve recognized it, do something about it. 

Where do I start?

Can I have it all?

This is a question I ask all the time.

Can I have it all?
I have recently been thinking about changing the way my career is progressing. I opted to apply for a completely new role which also requires a university course alongside. Amazingly I got the role and September 1st I start this new adventure.

However in the back of my mind, I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am putting my focus in the wrong place. Should I be concentrating on my children whilst they are still very young? Bear is only 13 months and Dude is 4.5.
I stayed at home on maternity leave for 12 months. Don’t get me wrong I loved the time with my children but I needed something for myself in the end. I felt like my days needed a purpose, an aim and some adult conversation over something other than poo habits and sore nipples.

My return to my current job has had minimal effects on my children and we still get to do our fun days, toddler groups as well as our more mundane tasks of cleaning and washing. Its about maintaining that balance so that your children feel they are always first. I no longer stay late at work, I don’t offer to do the overtime and I have the flexibility to plan my shifts to fit my childrens lives.

I don’t know what this new role will bring. I hope to study and complete assignments in the evenings when the children are in bed. My working hours are less than my current role and therefore I shop the children will not notice this change at all!

So, the question…Can I have it all?

I dont believe I can have it all. I believe that I should still have my own aims and aspirations but I should and I will always put my children first. If anything I try becomes detrimental to my children’s lives I will put it on hold.

Only time will tell how this new role will affect our family however if I don’t at least try I know I will always regret!

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